The Adventures of Professor K

"We live in a wonderful world that is full of beauty, charm and adventure. There is no end to the adventures that we can have if only we seek them with our eyes open." - Jawaharlal Nehru

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Professor K and the World of Giants

It’s roughly around midnight. Mostly clear skies, bright crescent moon and stars everywhere. I’m above the ocean again. Why do I constantly fly above the ocean? I stop to look around. I take in the view of the sky, the reflection of the ocean. I begin to fall and strangely accept it. I feel the pull in my stomach; change my position and plummet towards the ocean headfirst. The water is freezing and feels empty, but this is my dream and I know I’m not alone in this ocean. Turning around now, there you are. The giant shark who’s space I had now invaded. Think quickly. I place my hands at the top of its nose, feet at the tip of its bottom jaw. I’m scared. I try not to move because if I slip then I’m dead. In the sharks confusion it unknowingly swims toward an island nearby. I can feel the sand in the water now. The shark starts to slow down and I’m able to put my right foot in the cold, muddy sand. Carefully I now have both feet in the sand, hands still on the nose. I let go and run towards the beach hoping to God I don’t get eaten. I’m safe now lying on the sand and looking back up at the stars. How’d I get on this dock? Why is it daylight?

I’m standing in a line waiting to board a large boat with my father. In no time we board and are having some lunch and some beers. During lunch three people come running into the boat and telling everyone to see what each one had just caught. Three gigantic sea creatures that looked like gray marlins with four legs. All three creatures were tied to a fishing boat with harpoons sticking out of their bodies. Suddenly without warning they break from the small fishing boat at full speed. You can still see them run out to the ocean past a small island in the distance. Everyone on the boat was amazed. I was looking at the island and saw the three creatures walk around the island to face us. However, they did not move after they were in view of our ship. What are they waiting for? My question was quickly answered. What at first seemed like a large wave towards a docked submarine was actually a giant squid. The wave quickly grew tentacles that wrapped all around the submarine. The giant squid lifted the submarine above the water line and crushed it in half. After it submerged with the submarine there was silence. People on the boat were in shock. The silence was broken by what sounded like a giant trumpet (like the sound from the alien ships in The War of the Worlds). A boat anchored in the bay was now covered with tentacles and instantly submerged. After seeing this and realizing the giant squid was getting closer to our boat I nudged my father and told him to start walking toward the exit. We walked briskly past the people still staring out the window. As I reached the exit I went into a full sprint. A tall metal-wire fence closed off the dock. As I start to climb the fence I turn back and see the boat being taken by the squid. I look around and can’t find my father. I look back at the boat and wake up.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006


I’m not one to get pissed at people. In most cases (99% of the time) I resort to maintaining silence if someone bothers me or if they make me feel uncomfortable. I know it’s a bad habit. I know where it started too. When I was little I would annoy the crap out of my father and my brother. I would be “talked to” on a regular basis and find myself in my room for the rest of the day, save lunch and/or dinner. One time I felt I was right about something I did or said and was “talked to” by my father. I can’t remember what it was about, but I remember my mother coming into my room where I had been crying and she told me “if dad yells at you anymore the best thing to do is to not reply to him. Just say ‘ok’ and walk away.”

Unfortunately, through the years, that “not talking technique” manifested into just being silent around people I don’t like or when I’m in uncomfortable situations. “Say ok and walk away” turned into “look straight ahead, keep your mouth shut and don’t say anything that would make anyone upset.”

When I was 7 years old my Nana had died of cancer in the in-law suite at my house in Webster. My mother had told my brother and I to go the Charniak’s house for the day. I hated the Charniak’s. I remember sitting in their basement and decided to run for it when the chance presented itself. Something happened and Mrs. Charniak, who I liked, called us all upstairs. Everyone was walking upstairs when I decided to run for the nearest door and run home. On my way down the hill I saw a bunch of cars parked outside my house. Confused, I rang the doorbell because the door was locked. My mother answered the door and broke down crying when she saw me. I thought my dad had yelled at her and I got upset, but my mother had told me that Nana had died earlier that morning. I remember being really sad, and later angry with my mother for not letting me say goodbye to my Nana that day. “Don’t upset mom, be quiet and look straight ahead.” I also found out that day that my Grampe had left the house after my nana died and went to his “friend’s” house who he had been seeing (now known as Linda and also known as my Grampe’s wife). I was mad at Grampe for leaving Nana and then finding a new wife so soon. “Be quiet… Look straight ahead.”

Fast forward: 06/09/2006 Friday night –
Whiskey does a body good... but it’s that second bottle I tap into that shuts down my mental defensive system. Chillier and I are talking in slurs. We had just finished dancing to Postal Service and Earth, Wind & Fire. Chillier is sitting at the computer. I am laying on the futon. I can’t remember what we were talking about exactly. I think it was about my Grampe. He was recently put into the hospital after suffering a pretty bad heart attack. During that week he had another heart attack and stroke, which weakened his left side. I think talking about my Grampe turned up suppressed feelings when I found out my Nana was gone. Laying on the futon I broke down. I just wanted to know why I couldn’t say goodbye to Nana before she died. I’m not mad at my mother for keeping me out of the house anymore. I think I would have done the same thing if I were her.

Fast forward: 06/20/2006 12:30p.m. –
I almost completely forgot what I was originally post about. Sorry for that ramble. Today (during lunch) my wonderful cubicle neighbor, BK, asked question number 1,896,894,001. I gave her the answer and she questioned my answer immediately. “Stay calm.” I repeated my answer so a child could understand. “But…” replies BK. (back of my head talking)” But what you stupid bitch? Why can’t you fucking understand? You’ve been here for over 3 months! This is shit you should have known after the second week.” “Don’t say anything that would make her upset.” I repeated my answer. No dice. She calls the boss and he tells her the same thing, and questions why she didn’t know that (in a nice way of course). I haven’t talked to her since, nor have I acknowledged her presence. Why can’t I learn to talk about how I’m feeling immediately, or talk when I’m frustrated and/or uncomfortable? Maybe I should stop by the store and pick up two bottles of whiskey tonight…

Thursday, June 15, 2006

The Many Faces of Professor K

Farmer K –
Professor K wearing a hat at an upwards angle

Shamoo (aka: Moo) –
Appears after Professor K eats a pizza or cheeseburger and attacks Chillier shortly thereafter with tickles and attempted belly blows. In some cases appears shortly after Chillier pinches the nipples or punches the balls of Professor K when he is not expecting an attack. This Shamoo tends to be more aggressive with his tickles and attempted belly blows.

Professor McGuillicutty –
Appears on some weekend mornings when Chillier and Professor K exchange fingers in each others ear and when Professor K has a plotting look in his eye.

Old Asian Lady Looking for Benefits Man (retired)–
When Professor K called Chillier during work hours sounding like an old Asian lady looking for benefits, but had a hard time understanding Chillier’s replies.

Old Time Pantaloon Man –
A 93-year-old Professor K wearing a white blouse in the rain with a top hat, fake glasses, plastic nose and mustache. Calls Chillier after work hours and has a hard time hearing Chillier’s replies.

Nostril -
Named after Professor K’s unkempt nostril hair, which resembles a modern day Cretaceous period jungle. There are dinosaur monkeys and giant monkey bats within the nostril hair. The length of which the nostril hair grows is dependent on “Time Waves” (see bad movie: “A Sound of Thunder”).

Please note: Professor K’s making reference to past ball punchies and other funny things are not grounds for future ball punchies.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Meaning of the Professor's Dreams

Ghost :
In general, ghosts symbolizes aspects of yourself that you fear. This may involve a painful memory, guilt, or some repressed thoughts. You may be afraid of death and dying. Alternatively, ghosts are representative of something that is no longer obtainable or within reach. It indicates a feeling of disconnection from life and society. This dream may be a calling for you to move on and abandon your outdated modes of thinking and behavior.
To see the ghost of a dead friend/relative in your dream, suggests guilt and regrets concerning the past relationships with that particular person.

Haunted :
To dream that you are being haunted, indicates early unpleasant traumas and repressed feelings/memories. You are experiencing some fear or guilt about your past activities and thoughts.

Basement :
To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition. The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction.

Zombie :
To see or dream that you are a zombie, suggests that you are physically and/or emotionally detached from people and situations that are currently surrounding you. You are feeling out of touch. Alternatively, it may indicate that you are feeling dead inside and are simply going through the motions of daily living.
Sidenote: I dream about running (last one flying) and hiding from zombies, so I assume I'm trying to find shelter from feeling detached from people... INteresting.

Barricade (see barrier) Barrier :
To see a barrier in your dream , represents an obstacle to emotional growth. You may feel hindered in fully expressing yourself. The dream may also indicate your resistance to change.

Flying :
To dream that you are flying, signifies a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited.

Help :
To dream that you are helping someone, indicates your willingness to compromise your beliefs toward a greater accomplishment. It also represents your efforts to combine your talents or energies to achieve a mutual goal.

Sounds about right...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Professor K takes Flight

I don’t remember how old I was when this re-occurring dream started, but I know for certain it was when I was in grade school. In this first dream I was outside my house in Webster, playing kick ball with the neighbors. I went to run after a ball before it went into the creepy neighbors yard. When I jumped for it I found myself jumping over it. I went higher and higher and I got scared because I didn’t want to fall. I don’t remember how high up I was when I stopped, but I couldn’t see the house anywhere. It was the weirdest feeling to stand in mid air, but it felt so free. I turned around and started flying towards home. When I flew past my house I headed towards the ocean. I decided to fly lower and skip the ocean because I was still afraid to fall. Halfway across the Atlantic I stopped and just stood there. I could hear my mother calling for dinner from where I was, so I flew back home. Faster. Faster. There’s the house. How do I land?!?! I crashed through the dining room windows and onto the dining room table. I wake up. I remember how I felt when I woke up. It was the greatest dream I ever had at the time.

Thankfully I continued to have the flying dream. It took two or three to figure out how to land and I always flew towards Paris before turning around to get back home. I learned to feel more comfortable flying higher. Towards the end of high school my flying would be through the clouds over the Atlantic and controlling the speed of my flying. I don’t remember many of the flying dreams in college. The only flying dream I remember was hovering high above campus making sure everything was okay. After college there wasn’t a lot of change in my flying dream. I found it harder to concentrate on my take off, which was standing up, looking up and taking off like a rocket. Sometimes I couldn’t take off at all. Waking up to those dreams I figured my flying dream was gone, which meant more zombie dreams…

However, a couple of months ago I had a dream where I was walking along a side-street where there were these kids playing kick ball. One of the kids had kicked the ball high in the air and onto the back yard deck of an apartment 5 stories up. As it was about to clear the deck’s railing I ran towards the ball and jumped, pushed the ball back towards the kids and continued up through the clouds. It felt just like the first time, I was so happy. I would dive from the clouds, touch the ocean and shoot back up. Standing there I realized I needed to head back. I don’t know why, but I knew I had to. Hurry up. Go faster. I stopped above a highway when I felt I was in a familiar place. I saw a mini-van that my mother used to have a long time ago and I realized I was flying in another dream that I had a long time ago. In that dream my mother and brother were in a fatal car accident. Standing high above the highway I could see the other car, who was traveling in the opposite direction, drive over the grassy median and head towards my mothers car. I had to stop it from happening and I thought if I could fly really fast and use that momentum, then I could probably turn the car over before it hits the mini-van. So I tried it and it worked. When I woke up I didn’t think about my saving my mother and brother, my only thought was that if I could fly into my older dreams then maybe I could fly out of my bad dreams.

A couple of weeks ago Chillier and I had gone to see her brother and his wife in Long Island, and had many adventures. It was such a great time. I learned the potential of Tivo, tasted many wines, explored a forest and connected more with Chillier’s family. The first night there I had another zombie dream. I was in Boston and running from a group of zombies across a bridge. I got past an armored barricade and looked back only to see the barricade had been overwhelmed. Now I was running with a large group of people from the zombies that made it through. I knew it was only a matter of time. Towards the end of the bridge it dawned on me that I needed to jump. I ran faster. Faster. Now jump! Next thing I knew I had successfully landed on the top of a building. I looked around towards the streets and saw that the group I had been running with had now expired. I looked to the other building tops and saw a group of people waving me over. Run; jump. I realized this take-off was much easier. As I flew towards the building top I saw that zombies had made their way up the staircase and were now attacking the group of people. Too late. Looking down from where I was I saw one man standing on top of a city bus trying to avoid a zombie. Fly faster. The man reached out his hand and I took it. I flew up to a high building and let him go – then I left him to find another person. When I woke up I told Chillier about the dream. She joked saying I was a super hero. I thought about it and realized my flying dream started off with me just learning how to fly. During and after college my flying dream was more about what I could do with this ability – I kind of like it better than just flying around. Wouldn’t you?


There’s an advertisement on the T that I can’t stand every time I see it. It’s from the anti-drug campaign, which reads, “I used to be hooked on Marijuana and then I tried Oxycotton. I was stealing money from my little brother’s piggy bank before I realized I needed help”, or something like that…

Problem #1: I sit there and read it over and over, seeing the face of a lost/sad teenage girl, wondering how much money this “little brother” has in his piggy bank and how this brother gets so much money if he’s just a kid. Is it reasonable to believe that if this girl’s kid brother is rich, then the girl should also have money on hand?

Problem #2: The message they are saying isn’t true. I smoke weed occasionally and I haven’t wanted to try Oxycotton or any other drug because of my smoking weed. How about choice? How about instead of falsely blaming drugs, we recognize that people make choices. In most cases drugs aren’t forced, they’re chosen of your own free will.

Problem #3: The advertisement is ridiculous. Here’s how it should read, “I tried Marijuana then got addicted to Oxycotton, then I killed my parents for the money in their wallets so I could do more harmful drugs – all because of smoking Marijuana.Then I stole money from my kid brother’s piggy bank to buy more drugs, but he caught me in the act – so I killed him too. All because of Marijuana. Then my uncle raped me because I smoked Marijuana.” I hate propaganda… Now time to discuss the Truth advertisements!!!

Did you know in 1905 tobacco companies said that if you smoked their product then you will have everlasting life? Did you know that every advertisement you have about the big Evil Tobacco Company talks about things they did 50 years ago? How about something evil they did last year, or for the last 30 years? You can introduce 200 more Truth advertisements, but people won’t stop smoking.
BUT Smoking kills!!! Yes, it does. Did you just discover that on your own or did you know that since you were old enough to read? Here’s the thing – I’m all for freedom of speech and I’m glad it’s alive and well in this forum, but the annoying advertisements have to go. If you want to warn people that smoking kills then you should petition the tobacco companies to put a heath warning on their packaging… oh wait.

Did you know that watching porn can result in sex? Yes, I do. Just because you don’t like something doesn’t mean you have to tell me to get rid of it. If you have a problem with it then go fuck yourself.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

York Beach ME

Today I exited Park St. station as I do almost every morning on my way to work. Normally I would give the vendor outside my 25 cents for the Boston Globe, but this morning I only had 4 pennies in my pocket. Alas, no Boston Globe. I usually refrain from picking up the "metro," but this morning I felt ambitious (and I saw a neat picture on the front). The picture turned out to be a bridge that had collapsed in Cape Neddick, ME - near where my parents now live (which is York Beach, ME). I knew exactly where this bridge was. There is a great lobster shack at this bridge with a great view of the Cape Neddick River. There is also a beach that my Uncle Franny took me to which is across the bridge...

When I was younger, my uncle Franny took myself and my brother to this beach. I remember it having a lot of sandbars and deep puddles. I think there was only a beach there because the ocean's tide would greatly decrease the water level of the Cape Neddick River, thus providing this beach with sandbars and deep puddles to explore. In one puddle I had been turning over rocks, looking for crabs and other neat stuff. I felt something very strange on the bottom of my right foot. Was it a giant crab, a Sandworm about to bite the bottom of my foot? Being young, my imagination expanded. I look down and force both hands to feel around the side of my right foot. I grabbed it by the sides.... "Uncle Franny", I yelled, "What would you say if I caught a Flounder?" "I'd say your full of shit", He replied in a loving tone. So I held it up out of the water and showed him. I'll never forget the look on his face. I put it in my yellow pail (pale?) and later released it at Short Sands Beach in York, ME. That was a fun day.

Here are a few pictures of the rain damage:

Down the road from my parents house:

The bridge to the beach where I caught the Flounder:

By Short Sands Beach:

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Professor K and the Haunted House

Do you believe in ghosts? I know I do. In fact, there are some days when I feel like there is a ghost in this apartment. That feeling you get when the hair on the back of your neck stands up, goosebumps along your arms and shoulders, the chill down your back, a slight dizziness...

One night Chillier woke up to find Bailey was not on the bed. Thinking Bailey was standing by the door, waiting to be let out, Chillier got out of bed to find her. She found Bailey and Hunter in our dining room, both sitting in the same direction and looking at the same corner - as if someone was in that corner. Chillier does not believe in ghosts, but she acknowledges what she saw was strange. The dining room is the only room in our apartment where I've gotten these strange feelings since we moved here. Coincidence? I'm just happy it doesn't happen all the time.

I have a re-occuring dream, one of three, where I'm staying in an old green house. The basement level is the same as my old house in Webster MA where I grew up. The first floor is new to me. I've never seen the layout in any other house. The second floor is also the same as the house in Webster, but with one difference: My sister's room. It is always locked and there is a stairway to the attic that was never there before. At the top of the stairs is another shut door. This door never locks.

I knew when I moved in that there was an old woman who died in this house in the early 1900's. In my dream she was always mean and tempered. When I first started having this dream I knew that if I had touched the locked door to my sister's room, the door to the attic would swing open and my sister's door would open - revealing a room of green fog and a ghostly rotting figure of the old woman herself. This is when I would wake up. As my re-occuring dreams continued I had learned to stay on the first floor of this house and never venture to the second floor, but when I would look up the stairway to that second floor I would hear the attic door swing open. When my sister's door opens, the green fog pours out across the second floor and down the stairs. I see her staring coldly at me from the second floor with her cold, dark eyes. The mirrors crack and the pictures fall from the walls - I wake up. In my most recent dreams I stay in the basement where I once felt safe, but now all I have to do is think about the old woman and the basement lights dim. The room gets cold, the basement door opens and the green fog illuminates the stairs. I don't see the old woman in the basement, but she's in my head and I can feel her cold eyes looking down on me - I wake up.

A Never Ending Story

It's frustrating trying to find something to watch on a Sunday morning/afternoon. Recently I tried to do just that. I passed channels for Ab machines, food processors, exercise videos - nothing. Then Chillier and I came across "The Never Ending Story" on ABC Family. I was compelled to watch as Fantasia was becoming a ruin.

Here was Chillier and Professor K's analysis of the movie from that point on:

So we have this princess and this other kid (I think his name was Atrayu, but I'm sure that was the name of his horse. Also, what kind of kid's movie shows a horse drown in the mud?) chatting it up in some castle in outerspace because their world just blew up or whatever. The Princess tells the other kid that their only hope to not be obliterated into a million pieces is a little boy named Bastard, I mean Bastian, who's reading a book in his attic. Now they show Bastian in the attic reading his book by candle-light with a stupid look on his face [PAUSE MOVIE] Yes dumbass, they are talking about you. By the way did you notice the wolf heads and bear heads on the walls of the attic when you first got there??? Who's fucking attic are you in anyway??? And why don't you turn a light on to read that 5,000 page novel??? [PLAY MOVIE] Twenty exciting minutes go by until boy-genius realizes they are talking about him. Don't forget to take another giant bite of your apple little boy... and if they knew you were reading that book all alone in that scary attic, then they probably saw you touching yourself by Chapter 3.

Needless to say this princess' "vast Empire" of Fantasia is all but a grain of salt in her hand. Hold your breath Bastian. But no worries, if this retardo can think about Fantasia being what it was then everything will be back to normal... alright, so the destruction of that planet meant what? On top of being the hero, he also gets countless wishes. I can think of five wishes right off the bat - No Debt, 20 billion dollars, a yacht, garage full of luxury cars, mansion in Aruba - and Bastian struggles to find one wish he'd like (hey kid, let me help. I know your mom died a long time ago because of cancer or aids or whatever, do you want to have her back and healthy? How about money? How about a less scary attic to read your books in, it would come with a light fixture!). BINGO! The kid, with a stupid grin, elects to ride on the diseased flying dog. Great choice! "What's your second wish?" says big-flying-ugly dog. "I know, I know", says the dumbass, "Let's scare these three kids walking side-by-side on this deserted main roadway in Seattle." And so it was done. Those poor kids probably shit themselves (I know I would have) running from some huge flying dog who's screaming after them. All the while everyone along the sidewalk just laughs and smiles about it like it's an every day occurance. I'm sorry but this movie sucks. It sucked when I was a kid and it still sucks today.

El viaje a Vermont en el cinco de mayo de 2006

Chillier and Professor K's recent trip to Vermont was an exciting one. On the way up we listened to Howard Stern and it really helped pass the time. We left Hunter, the cat, at home because he hates car rides. Bailey, our dog, quietly sat back and enjoyed the ride. Little did we know that a scare was waiting for us across the Vermont border!

Earlier that day Professor K had lucnh with his father. I informed him that Chillier and I would be making our journey after work and he had asked if there was much wildlife where we were staying. I told him stories about deer running through the misty mountain and the foxes during the night. I was thinking about the conversation with my father as my vehicle crossed the Vermont border. We were excited as we traveled along the dark and winding road knowing that our destination was merely 30 mintutes away. WHEN SUDDENLY a gigantic Owl had flown right in front of my windshield. I applied the brakes to avoid the collision. Surely the Owl was in the process of capturing it's prey and had I not stopped in time, the Owl would have gone through my windshield. Who knows what would have happened to Chillier and Professor K! The remaining ride went smoothly, but our hearts were still jumping out of our chests.

Our weekend was just what we needed. It felt great being on The Mountain and breathing the fresh air. Playing and walking with Bailey was equally relaxing. Watching her run and dive after the tennis ball in the lake at the foot of The Mountain was a great way to relieve the stress of our return journey home. And so it ended, as every adventure must, with the return home and the annoying party that awaited us...